71 BOOKS IN ONE TRAIN OF THOUGHT

Jason Segel and Paul Rudd happen to be two of my favorite comedic actors. During a 2009 tandem interview about their film I Love You, Man, they got a bit giddy when the subject of a bromance arose.

Rudd: “I couldn’t think of a movie that had told it in quite this way...”

Segel: “Midnight Cowboy.”

Rudd (nodding): “And Urban Cowboy.”

Segel: “And Rhinestone Cowboy.”

Rudd: “And Rhinestone.”

Segel: “And… Stonehenge…”

Rudd: “And Romancing the Stone.”

After a pause, Rudd continued: “Stone cold…”

Segel: “Cold Mountain.”

Rudd: “Brokeback Mountain… that would be one.”

Kind of fun, right? If you’re just immature enough. But instead of citing movies, I’m going to do it for books.

Upon announcing that Why Not Books would be publishing the second fantasy novel by young prodigy Luke Herzog, the most common question has been: Is it a sequel? Luke wrote DRAGON VALLEY, believe it or not, as a nine- and ten-year-old. It was published when he was 11 and captured the imagination of kids all around the country. They sent him emails telling him they’d read it several times. They chose it as their favorite book and wrote school reports about it. One fan even sent a photograph of a sculpture he made depicting one of Luke’s characters—Blue, the water dragon. Luke wrote his new book, GRIFFIN BLADE AND THE BRONZE FINGER, from ages 11 to 13. But no, it is not a sequel.

Dragon Valley tells the story of five baby dragons who were spawned in a laboratory and released in the wilds of a hidden valley. They navigate the next one thousand years of their evolution—the growing pains, the battles, the descendants, the myriad creatures populating the magical valley. Griffin Blade and the Bronze Finger is the tale of a good-hearted rogue, a thief named Griffin Blade, who steals a gem, gets it stolen from him, and embarks on a search for a jewel that becomes an epic quest for redemption. Along the way, he encounters creatures ranging from dwarves, dark elves and djinns to minotaurs, mermen and, oh, a massive sand worm.

So what’s the connection between his first book and his second—besides the author, that is? Well, for that we need to climb aboard a train of thought. Here’s one way to connect Dragon Valley to Griffin Blade and the Bronze Finger, with 69 titles in between:

97 PHRASES COINED BY SHAKESPEARE

When we say that something is not for the “faint hearted” or is a “foregone conclusion” or is taking “forever and a day,” we rarely stop to consider where the phrase came from. But it had to come from somewhere, right? And more often than not, William Shakespeare—who would be turning 450 years old on April 23—is probably the guy.

The Immortal Bard coined so many phrases that he actually had a significant impact on the English language. It’s one of many reasons why he is far and away the paragon of English literature. The Beatles transformed rock and roll. Michael Jordan elevated basketball. Marlon Brando altered acting. But nobody comes close to the impact of Shakespeare.

This installment of the Why Not 100 celebrates just 97 of the MANY phrases first attributed to the literary genius, starting with some of our favorites:

1. The world’s my oyster (The Merry Wives of Windor)

2. Be-all and the end-all (Macbeth)

3. It was Greek to me (Julius Caesar)

4. There’s the rub (Hamlet)

5. Knock knock! Who’s there? (Macbeth)

6. Bated breath (The Merchant of Venice)

7. ‘Tis high time (Comedy of Errors)

99 HARD-HITTING BASEBALL MYSTERIES

At the start of my career, while I was briefly a sportswriter for The Ithaca Journal in upstate New York, I covered everything from football and field hockey to lacrosse and lightweight football. On the side, I wrote a baseball murder mystery. I called it Hit and Run, which I still believe is a fine title.

The protagonist was a Chicago sportswriter named Austin Pearl, the last name being an obvious reason to give him a daily column called “Pearl’s Wisdom.” The novel focused on the murder of the Chicago White Sox manager during the World Series (yes, at that time, such a thing was pure fantasy—the Sox in the Series, I mean). Interspersed throughout the novel were columns written by Pearl, box scores from the games… and a bunch of red herrings. The story was pretty good, but not good enough to actually send to a literary agent. I was 22. It was my version of batting practice. Maybe someday I’ll revise it and publish it. Maybe.

But the baseball murder mystery is a thriving genre, even without Hit and Run. Maybe it’s because the purity of the game (theoretically, at least) conflicts so wonderfully with murder or arson or theft. Maybe it’s because the arc of a baseball game is an excellent way to understand the notion of narrative flow (just listen to a game on the radio, how the announcers fill in the empty spaces with back story and commentary). Or maybe it’s due to the endless opportunities to manipulate baseball terms into titles.

The following list includes gems like A Player to be Maimed Later and Rally Killer and Caught Stealing. Titles like Murderer’s Row, Suicide Squeeze, and Strike Three You’re Dead have been used more than once. (Green Monster has been used twice, too. Then again, Boston is far and away the most common setting for baseball mysteries).

So let’s play ball, Why Not 100 style. As a nod to two teams playing nine innings, I offer 99 baseball mysteries for young and old:

73 BEST HEADLINE FAILS

If you ever visit the Newseum in Washington, D.C.—the outstanding museum dedicated to the First Amendment—make sure to go to the bathroom. In part, that’s because you can spend days at the museum, and you’ll need the break. But more importantly, if you go to the bathroom, you’ll laugh. You’ll see news bloopers affixed to the tiles on the bathroom walls—newspaper headlines that desperately needed a copy editor. The stories have long been forgotten, but the headlines—RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE—endure.

Headline writing is an art form. Do it well, and it can be magical.

FROM RUSSIA WITH GLOVES

HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE KOREA?

OTTER DEVASTATION

But do it wrong, and oy. Here are 73 head-scratching headlines, some of them undoubtedly purposeful, all of them hilarious:

1. Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives a New Attorney

2. Police: Crack Found in Man’s Buttocks

3. Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism

4. Top Secret Mission To Launch Tuesday

5. Bugs Flying Around With Wings Are Flying Bugs 

6. Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25
7. A-Rod Goes Deep, Wang Hurt

8. Local Children Are Winners at Dog Show

9. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

10. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

11. Students Cook & Serve Grandparents

12. Polls Say That 53% Believe Media Offen Make Mistakes

13. Meat Head Resigns

14. Thursday is Cancelled

15. Threat Disrupts Plans to Meet About Threats

16. Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police

17. Babies Are What The Mother Eats

18. Journalists Say Voters Hold Key To November Election

19. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

20. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

21. Berkley Turns Blind Ear To Finance Committee

22. Poverty Meeting Attracts Poor Turnout

23. Tiger Woods Plays With Own Balls, Nike Says

24. Slowdown Continues To Accelerate

25. Hospitals Resort to Hiring Doctors

26. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

27. Deer Kill 130,000

28. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

29. Most Doctors Agree That Breathing Regularly is Good For You

30. Experts Agree: Al Qaeda Leader is Dead or Alive

31. Court Rejects Fartillizer Plant’s Tax Appeal 2-1

32. Sister Hits Moose On Way to Visit Sister Who Hit Moose

33. Fish Need Water, Feds Say

34. Animal-Rights Group To Hold Meeting At Steakhouse

35. Missippi’s Literacy Program Shows Improvement

36. School Boards Need to Make Decisions Based on Intellegance, Not Emotion

37. Illiteracy An Obstable, Study Finds

38. Want to Spell Like a Champ? Read Wenster’s Dictionary

39. Demorats’ Plan Boosts Funding For Education

40. Library Marks “Teen Reed Week”

41. How To Make Communicate More Effectively

42. Cop Makes Arrest in Bathroom After Smelling Crack

43. Cops Arrest White Woman on Warrant For Black Man

44. Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

45. Woman Missing Since She Got Lost

46. Senior Luncheon Will No Longer Include Lunch

47. Children Living Without Limbs Lack Support

48. 17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree

49. Marijuana Issue Send to a Joint Committee

50. School Testing Mushrooms

51. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

52. Condom Truck Tips, Spills Load

53. Midget Sues Grocer, Cites Belittling Remarks

54. One-Armed Man Applauds the Kindness of Strangers

55. Sex Offenders Pitch Tents

56. Seahorse Farm Now Offers Riding Lessons

57. Man Tries Armed Robbery With Knife In Gun Store

58. Tight End Returns After Colon Surgery

59. Royals To Get A Taste of Angels’ Colon

60. Arsenic In City Water Nothing To Worry About

61. Study Shows Frequent Sex Enhances Pregnancy Chances

62. At-Risk Funding At Risk

63. Worker Suffers Leg Pain After Crain Drops 800-Pound Ball On His Head
64. Police Arrest Everyone on February 22

65. Young Amputee Returns to Ethiopia Armed For Independence

66. MSI Owner Denies Lying, Admits Not Telling Truth

67. Hooker Named Lay Person of the Year

68. Sixers Tie It Up Again As Series Shits To Boston

69. Utah Poison Control Center Reminds Everyone Not To Take Poison

70. Warmer Weather May Make Snow Disappear

71. Rutland’s Mayor Takes Close Look At Nude Dancing

72. “We Hate Math,” Say 4 in 10—A Majority of Americans

73. City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells

59 WHY NOT BOOK TITLES

There was a book, published in 1970, called I Dream Things That Never Were and Say, Why Not? It is a collection of highlights from some of Bobby Kennedy’s most inspirational speeches. That particular line—perhaps his most memorable—was borrowed from George Bernard Shaw:

“You see things, and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never wore, and I say, ‘Why not?’”

It is a statement of possibilities, of unlimited imagination, of perspective, of creative enthusiasm. And it is why, when we started a publishing venture, we called it Why Not Books.

None of the 59 books that you’ll see on the list below were published by us. But all of them have one thing in common—“why not” appears somewhere in the title. We could have chosen more—titles ranging from Why Not Waste Time With God? to Why Not Embroider Boxes? But this is an eclectic group divided into several categories and covering 150 years of publishing—books about everything from Buddhism and the Boston Red Sox to Billie Holliday and beekeeping.

Why collect them all on one goofy list? Why not.

61 HAPPY HOBBIT NAMES

J.R.R. Tolkien, master of Middle-Earth, was very careful about names. Malevolent creatures are duly evil-sounding: Morgoth. Azog. Grima Wormtongue. For the most part, elves have elegant names, befitting the creatures of light who walk atop snow and speak in ancient tongues and live forever. Galadriel. Legolas. Fingolfin. The names of men aspire to elvish elegance, but also hint at ordinariness. Denethor. Eomer. Boramir. Dwarves’ names are largely short, no-nonsense, with a dash of whimsy but as practical as a pick axe. Durin. Gimli. Bofur. Mim.

And then there are the hobbits. A journey into the name of the Shire-folks is like a peek into a bubble far removed from the worries of the world—almost childlike, often silly, exactly what Tolkien intended the Shire to be.

Fourteen-year-old author Luke Herzog, inspired by the works of Tolkien, is careful about names, too. In his first book, Dragon Valley, he gave his five progenitor dragons simply descriptive names—Red, White, Yellow, Blue, and Black. But their descendants were the likes of Frogleap and Snoweye, Darkroot and Rohawk.

In his second fantasy novel, Griffin Blade and the Bronze Finger, he created a world brimming with various creatures. When selecting names he occasionally referenced Latin influences. Often, he closed his eyes, mouthing out different sounds, taking into account the character’s species, lineage, morality… until he came up with just the right name. A dwarf named Kwint. A dark elf named Naymeira. A no-good merman named Ranimus. A minotaur named Bo’cul.

So, because it was The Hobbit that sparked his own flights of fantasy, we’ve asked Luke Herzog to rank the 61 top names of halflings who roamed Middle-Earth.

53 BETTER-THAN-FICTION ATHLETES’ NAMES

I have a confession to make. For several years, I mispronounced the name of an iconic sports figure who would become the subject of one of my books. His name is Francis Ouimet, the unknown amateur golfer who shocked the world at the 1913 U.S. Open (I contend it’s the greatest of all championship tales, and it’s the subject of the beautifully illustrated picture book, Francis and Eddie, from Why Not Books). When I first heard of him, I figured, well, Francis Ouimet is the son of a French-Canadian immigrant. Surely, his name is pronounced “we-may.” Actually, no. It’s “we-met.”

Now I know. And, frankly, I think the humble handle fits his up-from-nothing story. But I also know this: If his name had been, say, Johnny Fairways or Frankie Miracle, he’d be a helluva lot more famous.

This isn’t to say that the best athletes need the best names. Just ask Jim Brown. Or Bill Russell. Or Tom Brady. But if I were going to conjure up a fictional athlete, I would name him something like Johnny Unitas. Or Usain Bolt. Or Tiger Woods. Or Shaquille O’Neal.

Indeed, for every unforgettable fictional athlete’s name—Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed, Mighty Casey and Willie Mays Hayes—there are a dozen equally unforgettable names of real athletes. You take Jesus Shuttleworth. I’ll take Moses Malone. You root for Happy Gilmore and Roy McAvoy. I’ll root for Boo Weekley and Rory McIlroy. You wax nostalgic for Roy Hobbs and Forrest Gump. I’ll go with Ty Cobb and Forrest Gregg. Ricky Bobby? How about Fireball Roberts. Kenny Powers and Crash Davis? How about Boog Powell and Johnny Bench?

All fiction is derivative—a reexamination of essential truths. And even when it comes to names, truth can trump fiction.

So I offer you lots of lists here: 53 better-than-fiction names of real athletes in each of seven categories—baseball, football, basketball, hockey, golf, other sports, and female athletes. You’ll notice a handful of nicknames in there, but only if it was inseparable from the athlete—you know, like Magic and Babe and Catfish. And sorry, Ali and Kareem didn’t make their respective lists (but Cassius Clay and Lew Alcindor did).

Imagine each of these names as the main character of a novel, and try not to smile: