53 BETTER-THAN-FICTION ATHLETES’ NAMES

I have a confession to make. For several years, I mispronounced the name of an iconic sports figure who would become the subject of one of my books. His name is Francis Ouimet, the unknown amateur golfer who shocked the world at the 1913 U.S. Open (I contend it’s the greatest of all championship tales, and it’s the subject of the beautifully illustrated picture book, Francis and Eddie, from Why Not Books). When I first heard of him, I figured, well, Francis Ouimet is the son of a French-Canadian immigrant. Surely, his name is pronounced “we-may.” Actually, no. It’s “we-met.”

Now I know. And, frankly, I think the humble handle fits his up-from-nothing story. But I also know this: If his name had been, say, Johnny Fairways or Frankie Miracle, he’d be a helluva lot more famous.

This isn’t to say that the best athletes need the best names. Just ask Jim Brown. Or Bill Russell. Or Tom Brady. But if I were going to conjure up a fictional athlete, I would name him something like Johnny Unitas. Or Usain Bolt. Or Tiger Woods. Or Shaquille O’Neal.

Indeed, for every unforgettable fictional athlete’s name—Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed, Mighty Casey and Willie Mays Hayes—there are a dozen equally unforgettable names of real athletes. You take Jesus Shuttleworth. I’ll take Moses Malone. You root for Happy Gilmore and Roy McAvoy. I’ll root for Boo Weekley and Rory McIlroy. You wax nostalgic for Roy Hobbs and Forrest Gump. I’ll go with Ty Cobb and Forrest Gregg. Ricky Bobby? How about Fireball Roberts. Kenny Powers and Crash Davis? How about Boog Powell and Johnny Bench?

All fiction is derivative—a reexamination of essential truths. And even when it comes to names, truth can trump fiction.

So I offer you lots of lists here: 53 better-than-fiction names of real athletes in each of seven categories—baseball, football, basketball, hockey, golf, other sports, and female athletes. You’ll notice a handful of nicknames in there, but only if it was inseparable from the athlete—you know, like Magic and Babe and Catfish. And sorry, Ali and Kareem didn’t make their respective lists (but Cassius Clay and Lew Alcindor did).

Imagine each of these names as the main character of a novel, and try not to smile:

BASEBALL:

1.     Boog Powell

2.     Johnny Bench

3.     Yogi Berra

4.     Coco Crisp

5.     Razor Shines

6.     Darryl Strawberry

7.     Kirby Puckett

8.     Minnie Minoso

9.     Bake McBride

10.  Elmer Flick

11.  Shooty Babbit

12.  Dizzy Dean

13.  Daffy Dean

14.  Ty Cobb

15.  Heinie Manush

16.  Cesar Geronimo

17.  Rollie Fingers

18.  Cool Papa Bell

19.  Zoilo Versalles

20.  Mickey Mantle

21.  Enos Slaughter

22.  Oil Can Boyd

23.  Percival “Pop” Rising

24.  Elroy Face

25.  Catfish Hunter

26.  Carlton Fisk

27.  Goose Goslin

28.  Chipper Jones

29.  Candy Cummings

30.  Red Ruffing

31.  Satchel Paige

32.  Urban Shocker

33.  Wade Boggs

34.  King Kelly

35.  Duke Snider

36.  Cal Ripken

37.  Sandy Koufax

38.  Babe Ruth

39.  Frankie Frisch

40.  Shoeless Joe Jackson

41.  Three-Finger Brown

42.  Vinegar Bend Mizell

43.  Blue Moon Odom

44.  Wee Willie Keeler

45.  Pee-Wee Reese

46.  Harmon Killebrew

47.  Homer Bush

48.  Arky Vaughan

49.  Zach Wheat

50.  Cy Young

51.  Lou Brock

52.  Johnny Mize

53.  Rod Carew

FOOTBALL:

1.     Johnny Unitas

2.     Bronko Nagurski

3.     Jeff Saturday

4.     Joe Montana

5.     Alge Crumpler

6.     Y.A. Tittle

7.     I.M. Hipp

8.     Ray Guy

9.     Mercury Morris

10.  Mean Joe Greene

11.  Bart Starr

12.  Barkevious Mingo

13.  Takeo Spikes

14.  Champ Bailey

15.  Garo Yepremian

16.  Jadeveon Clowney

17.  Dexter Manley

18.  Bucko Kilroy

19.  Joe Klecko

20.  Sam “Bam” Cunningham

21.  Larry Csonka

22.  Richie Incognito

23.  D’Brickashaw Ferguson

24.  Plaxico Burress

25.  Sonny Sixkiller

26.  Mosi Tatupu

27.  Daunte Culpepper

28.  Deacon Jones

29.  Tony Romo

30.  Jumbo Elliott

31.  Zeke Mowatt

32.  Merlin Olsen

33.  Al Toon

34.  Warren Moon

35.  Andrew Luck

36.  Dick Butkus

37.  Doak Walker

38.  Emerson Boozer

39.  Lance Alworth

40.  Donovan McNabb

41.  Lynn Swann

42.  Sammy Baugh

43.  Willie Roaf

44.  Lyle Alzado

45.  Kenny Stabler

46.  Red Grange

47.  Art Monk

48.  Forrest Gregg

49.  Mike Ditka

50.  Ronnie Lott

51.  Freeman MacNeil

52.  Lincoln Kennedy

53.  BenJarvus Green-Ellis

BASKETBALL:

1.     Zelmo Beaty

2.     Magic Johnson

3.     Shaquille O’Neal

4.     Shabazz Muhammad

5.     World B. Free

6.     Rajon Rondo

7.     Meadowlark Lemon

8.     Spud Webb

9.     God Shammgod

10.  Mo Cheeks

11.  Yinka Dare

12.  Muggsy Bogues

13.  Tree Rollins

14.  Tayshaun Prince

15.  Slick Watts

16.  O.J. Mayo

17.  Manute Bol

18.  Anfernee Hardaway

19.  Fat Lever

20.  Slater Martin

21.  Kiki Vandeweghe

22.  Pooh Richardson

23.  Thurl Bailey

24.  Walt Hazzard

25.  Moses Malone

26.  Otis Birdsong

27.  Hot Rod Williams

28.  Reggie Theus

29.  Baron Davis

30.  Mookie Blaylock

31.  Julius Erving

32.  Theo Ratliff

33.  Clyde Drexler

34.  Dave Bing

35.  Yao Ming

36.  Gene Shue

37.  Clyde Lovellette

38.  Wayman Tisdale

39.  Lew Alcindor

40.  Cazzie Russell

41.  Purvis Short

42.  Larry Bird

43.  Jason Kidd

44.  Sidney Moncrief

45.  Jo Jo White

46.  Chris Bosh

47.  Hersey Hawkins

48.  Bob Cousy

49.  Quinn Buckner

50.  LeBron James

51.  Scottie Pippen

52.  Ray Lumpp

53.  Mel Counts

HOCKEY:

1.     Ziggy Palffy

2.     Frank McCool

3.     Bart Crashley

4.     Radek Bonk

5.     Tony Twist

6.     Per Djoos

7.     Busher Jackson

8.     Toe Blake

9.     Lindy Ruff

10.  Darren Rumble

11.  Howie Morenz

12.  Alf Pike

13.  Sprague Cleghorn

14.  Newsy Lalonde

15.  Syl Apps

16.  Mario Lemieux

17.  Dit Clapper

18.  Larry Playfair

19.  Zarley Zalapski

20.  Garth Snow

21.  Jari Kurri

22.  King Clancy

23.  Turk Broda

24.  Cal Clutterbuck

25.  Grant Fuhr

26.  Sid Abel

27.  Jaromir Jagr

28.  Brad Bombardir

29.  Guy Lafleur

30.  Miro Satan

31.  Parris Duffus

32.  Derek Boogaard

33.  Fred Saskamoose

34.  Jonathan Cheechoo

35.  Mike Bossy

36.  Dick Duff

37.  Jordin Tootoo

38.  Garth Butcher

39.  Hakan Loob

40.  Jonathan Quick

41.  Merlin Malinowski

42.  Eddie Shore

43.  Cy Denneny

44.  Serge Savard

45.  Ulf Samuelsson

46.  Darren Puppa

47.  Joe Primeau

48.  Pierre Pilote

49.  Bobby Hull

50.  Sweeney Schriner

51.  Rico Fata

52.  Jean Beliveau

53.  Mark Messier

GOLF:

1.     Tiger Woods

2.     Rocco Mediate

3.     Ryan Yip

4.     Smiley Quick

5.     Fred Funk

6.     Johnny Revolta

7.     Zane Scotland

8.     R.W. Eaks

9.     D.A. Points

10.  Sammy Snead

11.  Kermit Zarley

12.  Boo Weekley

13.  Fuzzy Zoeller

14.  Ty Tryon

15.  Wiffy Cox

16.  Steve Spray

17.  Orville Moody

18.  Bubba Watson

19.  Seve Ballesteros

20.  Lon Hinkle

21.  Briny Baird

22.  John Huh

23.  Duffy Waldorf

24.  Don January

25.  Tommy Bolt

26.  Tommy Armour

27.  Kevin Na

28.  Mac O’Grady

29.  Jumbo Ozaki

30.  Gary Player

31.  Ernie Els

32.  Vance Veazey

33.  Chip Beck

34.  Jack Fleck

35.  Bobby Locke

36.  John Ball

37.  Bo Van Pelt

38.  Jodie Mudd

39.  Notah Begay III

40.  Fred Couples

41.  Howard Twitty

42.  Jhonattan Vegas

43.  Luke List

44.  Hale Irwin

45.  Bunky Henry

46.  J.J. Killeen

47.  Curtis Strange

48.  Clement Smoot

49.  K.J. Choi

50.  Steve Stricker

51.  Adam Gee

52.  Old Tom Morris

53.  Vijay Singh

OTHER SPORTS:

1.     Usain Bolt (track)

2.     Bjorn Borg (tennis)

3.     Fireball Roberts (NASCAR)

4.     Willie Pep (boxing)

5.     Jacky Ickx (Formula 1)

6.     Danger Fourpence (soccer)

7.     Jeff Float (swimming)

8.     Apolo Anton Ohno (speed skating)

9.     Cassius Clay (boxing)

10.  Stirling Moss (Formula 1)

11.  Rowdy Gaines (swimming)

12.  Dick Trickle (NASCAR)

13.  Karch Kiraly (volleyball)

14.  Andre Agassi (tennis)

15.  Wolfgang von Trips (Formula 1)

16.  Wolfgang Wolf (soccer)

17.  Sugar Ray Robinson (boxing)

18.  Cotton Owens (NASCAR)

19.  Ilie Nastase (tennis)

20.  Dick Blick (swimming)

21.  Roger Kingdom (track)

22.  Pua Kealoha (swimming)

23.  Mark Spitz (swimming)

24.  Ezzard Charles (boxing)

25.  Don Budge (tennis)

26.  Ricky Rudd (NASCAR)

27.  Arthur Ashe (tennis)

28.  A.J. Foyt (auto racing)

29.  Austin Clapp (swimming)

30.  Mario Andretti (auto racing)

31.  Duke Kahanamoku (swimming)

32.  Ellsworth Vines (tennis, golf)

33.  Emerson Fittipaldi (Formula 1)

34.  Donald Beer (rowing)

35.  Joey Cheek (speed skating)

36.  Yannick Noah (tennis)

37.  Fidel LaBarba (boxing)

38.  Brian Boitano (figure skating)

39.  Matt Biondi (swimming)

40.  Lance Armstrong (bike racing)

41.  Rocky Marciano (boxing)

42.  Ernie Irvan (NASCAR)

43.  Louis Clarke (track)

44.  Commodore Cochran (track)

45.  Sunder Nix (swimming)

46.  Dick Button (figure skating)

47.  Justus Smith (rowing)

48.  Foy Draper (track)

49.  Edwin Moses (track)

50.  Jeff Stork (volleyball)

51.  Lones Wigger (shooting)

52.  Zac Zorn (swimming)

53.  Pat Cash (tennis)

FEMALE ATHLETES:

1.     Picabo Street (skiing)

2.     Lottie Dod (golf)

3.     Hope Solo (soccer)

4.     Swin Cash (basketball)

5.     Birdie Kim (golf)

6.     Crystl Bustos (softball)

7.     Tenley Albright (figure skating)

8.     Sheryl Swoopes (basketball)

9.     Mia Hamm (soccer)

10.  DeeDee Trotter (track)

11.  Margaret Court (tennis)

12.  Dottie Pepper (golf)

13.  Lolo Jones (track)

14.  Tessa Virtue (ice dancing)

15.  Inbee Park (golf)

16.  Evonne Goolagong (tennis)

17.  Valerie Brisco-Hooks (track)

18.  Chandra Cheeseborough (track)

19.  Vicky Bullett (basketball)

20.  Cammi Granato (hockey)

21.  Diamond Dixon (track)

22.  Misty May (volleyball)

23.  Euphrasia Donnelly (swimming)

24.  Lovieanne Jung (softball)

25.  Wyomia Tyus (track)

26.  Se Ri Pak (golf)

27.  Rebecca Lobo (basketball)

28.  Zina Garrison (tennis)

29.  Vonetta Flowers (bobsledding)

30.  Dakoda Dowd (golf)

31.  Venus Lacy (basketball)

32.  Heather Mitts (soccer)

33.  Summer Sanders (swimming)

34.  Billie Jean King (tennis)

35.  Olga Korbut (gymnastics)

36.  Stacy Dragila (pole vault)

37.  Dominique Dawes (gymnastics)

38.  Tamika Catchings (basketball)

39.  Breeja Larson (swimming)

40.  Lillie Leatherwood (track)

41.  Beezie Madden (show jumping)

42.  Candie Kung (golf)

43.  Cappie Pondexter (basketball)

44.  Wiffie Smith (golf)

45.  Maria Bueno (tennis)

46.  Staciana Stitts (swimming)

47.  Kimberly Kim (golf)

48.  Briana Scurry (soccer)

49.  Kristi Yamaguchi (figure skating)

50.  Lindsay Shoop (rowing)

51.  Carly Piper (swimming)

52.  Serena Williams (tennis)

53.  Cheyenne Woods (golf)