73 BEST HEADLINE FAILS

If you ever visit the Newseum in Washington, D.C.—the outstanding museum dedicated to the First Amendment—make sure to go to the bathroom. In part, that’s because you can spend days at the museum, and you’ll need the break. But more importantly, if you go to the bathroom, you’ll laugh. You’ll see news bloopers affixed to the tiles on the bathroom walls—newspaper headlines that desperately needed a copy editor. The stories have long been forgotten, but the headlines—RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE—endure.

Headline writing is an art form. Do it well, and it can be magical.

FROM RUSSIA WITH GLOVES

HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE KOREA?

OTTER DEVASTATION

But do it wrong, and oy. Here are 73 head-scratching headlines, some of them undoubtedly purposeful, all of them hilarious:

1. Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives a New Attorney

2. Police: Crack Found in Man’s Buttocks

3. Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism

4. Top Secret Mission To Launch Tuesday

5. Bugs Flying Around With Wings Are Flying Bugs 

6. Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25
7. A-Rod Goes Deep, Wang Hurt

8. Local Children Are Winners at Dog Show

9. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

10. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

11. Students Cook & Serve Grandparents

12. Polls Say That 53% Believe Media Offen Make Mistakes

13. Meat Head Resigns

14. Thursday is Cancelled

15. Threat Disrupts Plans to Meet About Threats

16. Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police

17. Babies Are What The Mother Eats

18. Journalists Say Voters Hold Key To November Election

19. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

20. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

21. Berkley Turns Blind Ear To Finance Committee

22. Poverty Meeting Attracts Poor Turnout

23. Tiger Woods Plays With Own Balls, Nike Says

24. Slowdown Continues To Accelerate

25. Hospitals Resort to Hiring Doctors

26. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

27. Deer Kill 130,000

28. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

29. Most Doctors Agree That Breathing Regularly is Good For You

30. Experts Agree: Al Qaeda Leader is Dead or Alive

31. Court Rejects Fartillizer Plant’s Tax Appeal 2-1

32. Sister Hits Moose On Way to Visit Sister Who Hit Moose

33. Fish Need Water, Feds Say

34. Animal-Rights Group To Hold Meeting At Steakhouse

35. Missippi’s Literacy Program Shows Improvement

36. School Boards Need to Make Decisions Based on Intellegance, Not Emotion

37. Illiteracy An Obstable, Study Finds

38. Want to Spell Like a Champ? Read Wenster’s Dictionary

39. Demorats’ Plan Boosts Funding For Education

40. Library Marks “Teen Reed Week”

41. How To Make Communicate More Effectively

42. Cop Makes Arrest in Bathroom After Smelling Crack

43. Cops Arrest White Woman on Warrant For Black Man

44. Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

45. Woman Missing Since She Got Lost

46. Senior Luncheon Will No Longer Include Lunch

47. Children Living Without Limbs Lack Support

48. 17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree

49. Marijuana Issue Send to a Joint Committee

50. School Testing Mushrooms

51. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

52. Condom Truck Tips, Spills Load

53. Midget Sues Grocer, Cites Belittling Remarks

54. One-Armed Man Applauds the Kindness of Strangers

55. Sex Offenders Pitch Tents

56. Seahorse Farm Now Offers Riding Lessons

57. Man Tries Armed Robbery With Knife In Gun Store

58. Tight End Returns After Colon Surgery

59. Royals To Get A Taste of Angels’ Colon

60. Arsenic In City Water Nothing To Worry About

61. Study Shows Frequent Sex Enhances Pregnancy Chances

62. At-Risk Funding At Risk

63. Worker Suffers Leg Pain After Crain Drops 800-Pound Ball On His Head
64. Police Arrest Everyone on February 22

65. Young Amputee Returns to Ethiopia Armed For Independence

66. MSI Owner Denies Lying, Admits Not Telling Truth

67. Hooker Named Lay Person of the Year

68. Sixers Tie It Up Again As Series Shits To Boston

69. Utah Poison Control Center Reminds Everyone Not To Take Poison

70. Warmer Weather May Make Snow Disappear

71. Rutland’s Mayor Takes Close Look At Nude Dancing

72. “We Hate Math,” Say 4 in 10—A Majority of Americans

73. City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells